oh so so.

sometimes it's really scary when you're surrounded by people but feel incredibly alone. i'm standing in this insane crowd. people everywhere. talking. eating. laughing. smiling. christmas music playing in the background. soapy snow falling on top of my head. and yet the only thing i can do is stare at the sky and think about how lonely life can be. it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it. maybe that's why i hate being alone. it's just scary, the concept of spending the rest of your life by yourself. eating alone. watching tv alone. going places alone. whenever i see people eating alone at restaurants i wish i could sit with them. you know how boring it is to eat alone? really boring. i did it this morning. everyone was somewhere. so i made myself a bowl of cereal and read the newspaper. the house was really quiet, kind of scary. i could hear everything. water dripping. fridge humming. the house moving. rustle of the newspaper. crunch goes the cereal. kind of creepy. solitude is.

yesterday was the FV tree lighting, which was where i was practically ten hours of the day. i was there in the morning from eight to eleven thirty ish. then came home went to church for three hours. then went straight back and stayed from five until ten at night cleaning and helping with booths. it was really fun. i spent most of the night playing with doug. we had to shovel up the fake snow. with our HANDS. it was very cold. the fireworks were nice. yaddayaddayadda, who cares.

oh so, catch me if you can.